Hell on Earth

"Hell on Earth" 

by Jamie Allen Bishop

Written on 7/20/2019

Everyone has their own version of hell on Earth.

I've heard it said in many different ways, "Some have it worse than others."

What does that mean? Honestly, I have to say I completely disagree with that statement.

While it may "look" like one version of someone's hell is worse than another person's version of hell, everyone is going through their own version of hell on earth at any given moment in time while navigating this thing we call life. The phrase, "walk a mile in someone else's shoes," comes to mind.

Here's an example of what I mean.

I have, what may seem to an outside observer, an ideal life. I have a fabulous job that pays very well. I have a loving husband who is devoted to our family. I have an incredible child full of talent and love and a fabulous future. I am healthy. I am intelligent. I have advanced degrees. I have a multitude of certifications. I have friends who care. I have extended family members who love me. I have everything going for me. Right? And, yet, over the past three years, I have suffered dramatic bouts of emotional and physical strain that have brought me to the brink of suicide many, many times.

I speak of these things in the present tense because they are still that fresh in my experience. Though it has been more than four whole months since I've had suicidal ideations, no one except my very close family and friends would have realized exactly what I have been up against these past few years. And, honestly speaking, even some of my "close" family/friends didn't know.

I had been dealing with a vast array of chronic illnesses brought on by extreme amounts of work-related stress as well as a chemically toxic work environment. As if my physical illnesses weren't enough, my birth-father died, my best-friends' husband has a terminal brain tumor, and I have a nephew who was (silently) struggling with two illnesses simultaneously that affects only 2 people in the whole of the world - illnesses that, combined, may have spelled his death as a teen... which brought me back to memories of a wonderful friend from high school who died as a teen in a similar way.

With a work environment of extreme disrespect and immense pressure, and with my self-esteem so low, I read my life insurance policy closely, and seriously considered suicide options that would ease the financial struggles of both my immediate family and my nephew's family. Fortunately, I sought help, worked through it all, and have come through the struggle a stronger and wiser woman.

With first-hand knowledge, I can attest that living with suicidal ideations are a legitimate version of hell on earth.

All-in-all, I feel extremely fortunate to have the support in place that I have. I feel confident that I would be able to call upon any number of people to help me through the times I have recently experienced, which is something not everyone can say. I am grateful to be alive.

While I cannot attest with first-hand knowledge the struggles other people face, stories of their own hell on earth are their crosses to bear. Stories might go like this: being abused or molested; finding oneself homeless; struggling with addiction or mental illness/instability; facing the aftermath of having been assaulted; facing life as a convicted criminal - both before and after being caught; struggling with health (whatever form of health struggles take). My goodness! To say one person's story is "worse" than another person's story is a helluva stone to throw in this glass house called life.

It doesn't matter what the story is. Every story is real to that person, at that moment. The story is all-powerful, all-consuming, and all-knowing. The story is the god, and the god is a vengeful one.

Which version of hell is better or worse than the other? Some may say a child with cancer is worse. Some may say feeling suicidal is worse. Some may say living with addiction is worse. Some may say having been molested is worse. No matter what hell you may be living through, know there are people who care and resources in place to help. Every single person can obtain the information needed, and libraries are the best places to find your local resources.

I do not have any connection to these resources, nor have I verified them. However, here is some information to get you started should you ever find yourself (or someone you love) in need of help.

Much love to you in your life, and whatever hell on earth you might be experiencing.

THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!!!

General Information Resources:
https://www.unitedway.org/our-impact/featured-programs/2-1-1


For childhood cancer support:
https://www.cancer.net/
http://www.yourcancergameplan.com/
https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/caregiver-support/parents

For suicide and other crisis hotlines in the USA:

Hotline Numbers: 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text "START" to 741-741
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text the word "Trevor" to 1-202-304-1200
Online Resources: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention · www.afsp.org