"Love Knows No Bounds"
By Jamie Allen Bishop
When a relationship is challenged to its core, there are a great many ways to handle it. Some say, "Oh, hell no! I'm outta here," and walk away. Others may leave, but continue to wallow in the misery of being ditched or deceived or whatever victim syndrome feels good to their soul - familiar, perhaps. Many more stay in the relationship to work it out.
Regardless of the decision to stay or go or float somewhere in between, the relationship with oneself is forever changed. How someone goes about healing after such a core-rocking experience varies. Those who chose to leave may choose to count their blessings and learn to put that experience on their "do not want" list. Those who make the victim-decision might go back and forth between blaming the rat who broke their heart and blaming themselves for driving the bugger away. And those who stay are on a journey of self-discovery that takes a great many twists and turns.
If you believe in the essence of life like I do, you may also believe there are no guarantees. The only real guarantee is change. And, if we do not roll well with change, adapting to new experiences, we are likely to encounter one failure after another.
I chose to stay. I chose to work it out. I chose to question the core values I had that I thought were unwavering. I chose the best path for my family. I chose to believe in my ability to adapt. I chose to believe in me.
As the dynamics of my love life shifted dramatically, I began to put on excess weight, and my weight gain has caused a whole new set of challenges.
Perhaps my weight gain was subconsciously intended to challenge my relationship's depth? (Will someone really love a fat girl?) Perhaps it was to keep other prospects at bay? (If temptation were available, would I - could I - remain committed?) Perhaps it was to allow me the time to heal my heart and feel sexy again? (When I don't feel loved or sexy, sex is not my favorite option.)
And, I don't - feel sexy. I don't like my body right now - and I've always loved my body! I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. (Ug!) These are real problems in my life. No matter how much I think I love someone else or want someone else to love me, no one can ever love me the way I love me. And, if I don't love me, my relationship is doomed to fail.
Regardless of the reason for my weight gain, it is time for me to release it. It is time for me to let it go - whatever it is - because now it feels like self-sabotage. Now it feels like an excuse. Now it feels like something I am ready to honor for the journey - perhaps protection - it provided me.
Thank you, extra weight. You did a good job, and I completely appreciate you being there to help me through these changes. I love that you loved me through all the pain. I love that I have learned to love me more fully than I would have ever thought possible. You protected me. You kept me feeling safe. So, thank you.
But extra weight, I'm breaking up with you! I'm taking a stand! It's time for you to go. It's time for you to take leave of my body and allow me the freedom I need to fully adapt to the gorgeous woman I am now. Extra weight, I can handle it from here. I know what I need, what I want, and what makes me happy. You don't have to worry about me anymore. I got this!
Sincerely,
Jamie Allen Bishop, MA
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